(Monica is frantically chopping vegetables in the kitchen. Chandler is sitting at the counter with a puzzled look on his face. Joey enters holding a ridiculously large avocado—like, watermelon-sized.)
JOEY:
Guys, you will not believe what I found at the farmer’s market!
CHANDLER:
(Looking at the avocado)
Is that an avocado… or did the Hulk sneeze into a tree?
MONICA:
(Snatching it from Joey)
Oh my God! This is perfect! I was just about to make guacamole for my cooking class—this could feed everyone!
PHOEBE:
(Entering)
Or it could be the fruit of a mutant tree that wants revenge on mankind.
ROSS:
(Stepping in behind her)
Actually, that might be a Persea Americana Gigantica. It’s a rare species of—
RACHEL:
(Sitting on the couch, flipping a magazine)
Oh my God, Ross, nobody cares about the Latin name for avocados. Unless it’s a perfume.
ROSS:
(Defensive)
You cared when I told you about the Latin name for the leopard.
RACHEL:
Because you said it in a sexy voice!
CHANDLER:
(To Ross)
Try saying “guacamole” in a sexy voice. Let’s see how that goes.
ROSS:
(Sultry voice)
Guuuaacaaa—molé…
(Everyone cringes)
MONICA:
Okay, stop. You’re scaring the avocado.
JOEY:
Hey, can I eat the pit? I heard it’s got protein.
PHOEBE:
Only if you also want to grow a tree in your stomach.
CHANDLER:
Which, for Joey, could be an upgrade.
JOEY:
Hey!
MONICA:
(Looking at the avocado)
I’m serious though—if this turns out good, I could win the whole class cook-off.
PHOEBE:
You could call it… Guaca-monster! Get it?
CHANDLER:
(Deadpan)
If puns were a contest, Phoebe just won.
(They all laugh. Joey opens the avocado and the pit inside is comically huge—like a bowling ball.)
JOEY:
Okay, that… that I can’t eat.
CHANDLER:
That’s not a pit. That’s a weapon.
FADE OUT.
