Ellen (smirking):
You have this thing where you scream at literally everything. We have video proof.
Sarah (nervously):
Don’t you dare, Ellen. Don’t you do it.
Ellen (grinning):
Roll the clip.
[A montage plays: Sarah screaming at a fake spider, screaming in a haunted house, screaming when someone says “Boo.” The audience erupts with laughter. Sarah hides her face.]
Sarah:
WHY AM I LIKE THIS!?
Ellen:
I was gonna ask you the same question!
Sarah (laughing):
Look, I’m a highly sensitive, extremely dramatic woman who maybe shouldn’t be in public.
Ellen:
Yet here you are, America’s sweetheart.
Sarah (dead serious):
That’s because people relate to chaos. I’m just the human form of it.
[Laughter. Sarah adjusts her seat dramatically.]
Sarah:
Anyway, if you jump scare me during this segment, I will knock something over.
Ellen (innocently):
Who, me?
[Audience laughs harder. Sarah glares playfully.]
Sarah:
I trust you as much as I trust a raccoon with my debit card.
