[Scene: The Ellen Show. Ellen is mid-sentence, casually chatting with the audience. The lights are bright, the mood is chill… too chill.]
[Camera quietly cuts to backstage: Sarah Paulson tiptoeing behind the curtain, barely able to contain her giggles. She’s holding a rubber spider and mouthing “shhh” to the crew.]
[Cut back to Ellen — still talking, unaware. The audience starts smiling, seeing Sarah creep up behind her like a cartoon villain.]
Suddenly—BAM!
Sarah jumps out from behind the chair, throws the fake spider on Ellen’s lap, and screams:
“SURPRISE, ELLEN!!”
Ellen (jumping 6 feet out of her seat):
“SARAH! NO! WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!”
[Audience erupts in laughter. Sarah is bent over wheezing.]
Sarah (gasping through laughter):
This is revenge for all the haunted houses you’ve made me walk through. We’re even now!
Ellen (laughing but clearly traumatized):
We will never be even. You’re off the guest list. Forever.
[Cut to replay in slow motion of Ellen’s reaction, complete with dramatic music and zoom.]
